Michelle | Life Inspired: The Power to Change Anything

When I met Michelle for her consultation, I knew she was perfect for this project.  Meeting her now, you would never guess this woman has endured such adversity… She has a grace and a presence about her that exudes strength.  Every person who has taken part in this project has completely moved me.  I sit in awe as they share their story, amazed at the courage and fortitude that they’ve found as the answer to adversity.  Role models.  Not only are they inspiring by being a testament to the power of creating your own life, but by their openness to share with us how they transformed their lives.  I cannot seem to put into adequate words the power they grant themselves and give to others by sharing their stories. 

I’m so excited to share with you her story and some of her beautiful portraits.

When did you realize that you were being held back by fear or self-doubt and what kept you from moving forward? I was 27 and I was broken, completely shattered, beyond exhausted. I justified the string of extremely stressful events that preceded that with the only reasonable explanation for the crises/catastrophe/grief that I seemed to magnetically attract by telling myself “God only gives you what you can handle,” I figured I must be like, ultra-strong. It was just my lot in life. “What didn’t kill me was making me stronger.” Until I nearly died. I’d loved a man that felt zero remorse for his repeated acts of violence and rage. There were plenty of logistical obstacles to leaving and after a few failed exit plans, I started to feel like it was impossible to move forward. I was constantly attempting to anticipate his next move, and it was never good.  

What triggered you to no longer live a life of fear and self-doubt? The life I was leading was a complete contradiction of my childhood expectations for my life. I was in the depths of despair. When my babies started to develop personalities, I was terrified of them ever feeling the way I did. I was not willing to even wonder if they might ever feel as unworthy of respect as I did, I couldn’t take the chance that they’d feel the kind of deep shame and grief that might lead them to accept the kind of cruelty I had. I told myself that the situation was temporary, an opportunity would eventually materialize for me to move forward. When that rage and violence was directed towards me, I focused on the anticipation of that instead of trying to anticipate his next move.

In an unexpected turn of events, there was a split second where I had a choice between carrying on in survival mindset or placing my bets on a sudden miracle. I chose to expect a miracle. That choice left me standing in the middle of a parking lot, in the middle-of-nowhere, I didn’t know what town I was in and I had nothing. But, I truly believed that somehow I’d make it and I was unwilling to accept the alternative.

Almost instantly things started to align themselves as if by magic. That sudden pattern interrupt resulted in immediate relief. Miraculously, I was finally on my way due to entirely unforeseeable factors. It was a total game changer because all of the sudden I had a deep respect for the power of my thoughts. It felt euphoric. But the real challenge was ahead of me, how to stay in that place of anticipating good rather than bad and keep moving forward, even through setbacks.

What did you have to let go of in order to move forward? The old paradigms that had a stronghold on me.  I took drastic action that completely contradicted false beliefs that were buried in my subconscious. It put me into a tailspin. I was beginning to heal, but first came chaos.

Living in fear for so long had put me into a state of fight-or-flight that acted like an anesthetic, preventing me from ever thinking about the deep-seated issues that got me there in the first place. The guilt, fear, shame and panic just S W E L L E D within the space that I’d created for myself to feel and express emotion. I had solid evidence that I was capable of shaping my reality but residual shame overshadowed truth. Whenever things took a turn for the better, just when I thought I had a grasp on what I’d always wanted, it’d disappear. Meanwhile, terrifying memories kept popping up, except now I had the freedom to react so it felt like I was experiencing them more intensely than the first time. I turned to everything imaginable to dull that pain, nothing was strong enough. I compulsively kept myself busy, burning the candle at both ends, to avoid having any room in my mind to face my past.

I struggled for a long time before I attracted all the good things I have now. But my past kept up with me until finally I realized that I couldn’t outrun it. The real breakthrough, the one that allowed me to attract positive change and keep it in my life was when I turned around and faced the brokenness.

What did you find on the other side of fear that made it worth it? I gained confidence in my resilience, my ability to heal. I learned that no matter what happens, circumstances were always rearranging themselves for my highest good. I started to love myself and it opened doors for me that were beyond my wildest dreams.

What would you tell someone (or your former self) who still feels held back by fear or self-doubt? There is no shame in brokenness.  Infinite powers of healing reside within you. A person’s upbringing can influence a person’s mind and you have to release any limiting beliefs you learned along the way. Be brave enough to make way for your personal and spiritual expansion by facing your brokenness.  If you believe that hard things will happen, they will. But, I believe life doesn’t have to be “hard” for me to be “strong.” We were meant to feel good. We were meant to feel ease, flow, joy.

Is there anything else you would like to share? The broken woman who learns to love herself has the power to change anything. If you’ll confront your deepest wounds it will ignite your spirit and life will meet you where you honor yourself. It’s in that place of alignment that amazing, miraculous things will happen.  

For more information on this Life Inspired project, click HERE!

As always, if you’d like to nominate someone who’d be perfect for this project (yourself included), contact me today!!!